If I ever write a book, it would be called the New Year Girl. I seem to resurface on the blogosphere at the first of every year. In another decade, I'll have enough for a small chapter book. Here's a look back on the last ten years.
"Goodbye 2010" (2010)
And that's something that I learned: the devil tends to make us think that the miracles of God are far less significant than they really are. He makes us think that our problems are greater. But they're not because you see...we are still here.
"Theory #2011" (2011)
Does it bring greater glory to God at this time and place of my life? Or Is it all for me? To satiate my insecurities? To guarantee my stability? To fulfill my longings? ...The question is never whether it’s easy or not because regardless of its level of difficulty, it’s always possible.
"First" (2012)
Maybe, it’s time to see the beauty in defying gravity while I’m here, waiting. I’ll try to do a few back flips before I land.
"New Day" (2013)
I am His beautiful person, therefore I fearlessly am.
"To Be or Not to Be at All" (2014)
I am not merely a list of the things I wish I could be nor am I a list of things that people choose to like about me, I am all of it and more.
"Home is Where Our Hope Lies" (2015)
He has placed desires in our hearts and a time for them to be fulfilled; there's a time to be away to follow our path, and a time to bring it all back home...
"Happy Birthday Jesus/Big 2-5 Today!" (2016)
The new year was spent moving into my family's new house, so this entry is from the Christmas season and my birthday.
We are so busy yet the stress level has been low, and moments of roaring laughter are getting a little too hard to keep track of.
"Full Circle" (2017)
Our worth are constantly being devalued and deformed by the failures we don’t forgive ourselves for, by our constant fear of being inadequate.
"An Ode to the Woman (2018)
Hail, Queen of the Universe/ Full of splendor/ Thy crowned jewels/ When against my darkness/ Makes known to me/ How hallowed be the/ Sores of this soul,/ Lamenting of the living,/ Pity for poor souls./ There in heaven,/ My dimmed doxologies/ Are unending Hallelujahs unto thee/ Thy song of joy./ O my soul,/ Sing!
"2 Months" (2019)
We made it to 2020 and I'm jumping for joy! It's the feeling of finally reaching the end of a novel (or rather a book in a series.) I find myself writing about the chapter of my life that I have chronicled about in the last ten years. All the "I'm waiting" and "be bold in the uncertainty" have culminated to making my personal fiat to God through the sacrament of marriage.
I have always lived my life like I'm a princess with a great big story to unravel, and the way I have risen and fallen in my pursuit of God's love for me has defined the last ten years of my life.
I was 19 and deeply immersed in ministry and community life. I always thought that being in love with Jesus meant giving him the best years of my life in service of others, so I did.
Upon graduating college, the cusp of the prima pars (lol) of "the rest of my life," I was advised (by a very wise monk) to find my calling by losing myself in service of others. I was so anxious to know whether I was going to be Sister ____ or Mrs. ____ in the future! I jumped at the opportunity to discern this way... and it was indeed the fulfillment of my great desire to love and to give of myself. Those very years gave me the greatest gift of my life: the true desires of my heart. I discovered who I want to be and how I want to live the rest of my life -- married or not. Being in the service of others made me see that we serve not only because people are good and kind, but more importantly because God calls us to be his hands and feet here on earth.
Marriage is a whole other dimension of this mission to love. Committing my entire self to one person for the segunda pars (lol) of "the rest of my life" has revealed to me the intensity and immensity of what it means for Jesus to be in love with my rotten soul. To this day, it's still settling. I'm still wrestling - Jacob and the spirit in the desert style. It looks like this: Jesus begs me to give him the worst of my years, too. Who would have thought that this would be a thousand times harder than giving him the best years of my life? Jesus calls for the poorer, the worse, and being in sickness. As I answer, my soul is moved. Transformed. The sacramentality of my life as a bride is so wonderfully teaching me to be bold, generous, and faithful to my calling to be His bride eternally.
There is no adventure greater than going and being where Jesus calls me.
