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I never know where to begin, but I suppose the most important thing to do is to begin.

I've been having that feeling of being "stuck" for some time now -- especially during the last stretch of finals. You see, these "examinations" aren't so bad unless you know where to start studying for it. All you really need is direction -- doesn't matter how much you study, as long as you know what to do with it. You get the point.

My last final took the most emotional toll on me (so dramatic, but it's true.) I'm not sure if it was due to slight shake-ups in my limbic system, more particularly my queen amygdala, occurring at the same time, but I was just really going crazy about it. It also doesn't help when you're studying over thirteen tragic plays. (Oh! And I came back to an empty dorm room, with my awesome roommate all moved out; finals week is just not the time to be sensitive or sentimental. Eek.) Anyway, first off, the class finished last place in my book of favorites. Nevertheless, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that the teacher gave no direction nor did he narrow anything down to what the test would be. Oh, did I mention the final was the only test we would take this whole semester? (Wah, wah, I know. I'm getting there.)

For a "review" he had, he went over the format of the exam: Quote Identification, please expound. Then an essay. Not bad, except quote IDs over 13 or so plays -- so specific! My hippocampus couldn't handle it (Lies. I remember everything. Sort of.) Immediately after, I threw myself a bloody pity party in my head just because I knew I shouldn't cry about it, but I wish my lacrimal glands would have just produced something! I was hoping to reach such a low point, that I would have been desperate enough to do what it takes to produce amazing results. Anything.

After having no finals for two days, while I was ready to not take any more, this final awaited my return around noon today. Let's just say I've had better nights than last night's study session. Studying and preparing for a big test becomes a bigger hurdle without a person right next to you that you can bother and ask to cheer you on or dance with you (I had an awesome roommate.) I needed to stop being a baby and just get started with something. Take a direction. I realized if my professor wasn't going to give it to me, I was going to have to take one.

The worst hurdle of all -- caring about the final at all. It was so hard to care about something that I thought would not benefit me for my majors or life in general. I knew better. I love reading, and reading opens up worlds (this is another story,) but my point is it took a lot to convince myself that this mattered. Maybe not as a class, but as a lifelong lesson.

It was much easier, but annoyingly painful to be a baby about it than just actually doing something to get something done. Much to my surprise, my final was not a bunch of quote IDs, but instead 4 lines outlining the prompt of an extended essay of two plays. 2. I ended up writing ten pages. My right arm appreciates the work out, too. Granted, I feel bad for the essay's lack of organization, but I spat what I could. No fluff.

Though my giant neighbors upstairs couldn't help but have some kind of stomping party upstairs around 4 o'clock this morning, and thus kept me up and quite crabby this morning, this study session has taught me so much more than any of the classes I highly enjoyed. There are three things, or secrets to caring for this fragile flower we call life, that I have paralleled with my experience from studying:

Sometimes in life, we won't always find ourselves moving in the same direction as others in our lives. My roommate had to move out for her next semester in Rome, I had to get over that (I'm okay, haha.) Similarly, it made me realize just how much we do need others to be there for us. Simple, cliché, something you learn as a 5 year old (buddy system). With that, that it's okay to ask for help. Something that I still have to learn and am grateful for those who push me and inspire me to be human. Love people. Take care of the people in your life.

Also, in this life, we must find a balance between remembering details and internalizing concepts. We cannot forget important details in our lives. We cannot forget to I suppose, "identify" our own quotations. There are things we say, things we think, dream, and do that we can't just let fade over time. They are things that move us to be where we are today. Forgetting is often to take for granted the beauty of our own stories, of the very play we perform on life's stage. On the other hand, we cannot simply focus so much on the detail of everything that we miss the big picture. I cannot stress enough how familiar we must equally be with the same concepts both non-fictional and fictional works present. I cannot stress enough how we cannot take for granted every lesson we learn from our past and present whether it hurts to accept or not. It's more than necessary to go beyond the familiar. Moreover, we must embody every lesson, every truth we discover. The details of our lives are the reality of these concepts life prompts us to apply.

Lastly, we have to care. No garden grows beautifully without a caretaker. No flower blooms beautifully without the care of Mother Earth. Care. Know better. We don't care because we feel like it, we care because everything matters. Everything in existence has value. I had to stop and realize that oftentimes we make life too much about "what can this offer ME? what good is this for ME?" Too little do we ever think of giving what's good for others. We have to think of others.

We were born without any specific instructions on how to take any 'finals' for every 'term' of our lives. Perhaps, my professor's approach has taught me that I have all that I need to excel on that exam. I have the texts which contain the plot, characters, diction, and thought that create the nature and consequences of every story. Similarly, I have my dreams and goals in life, people both strangers and close friends, and my very own character that will allow me to give back to life when the time comes that it asks me to show everything that I've learned and have been through.

Life is man's greatest teacher. All it wants is for you to show what you know -- that after all these years, hopefully, it didn't waste its time giving you everything it has.

When your teacher fails to give you a study guide, study anyway. When you fail to see life's guide for you, live anyway.

Just start somewhere. Anywhere.