I categorize everything. I had this ‘Project 2012’ last year where I would write every single day, and I had to be completely honest with how I was feeling, what happened that day, etc. No matter how emotional or cold or over the top it was — I was going to write it. It was interesting in a way that it taught me that it was the kind of honesty people deserve to hear. On top of that, I also started my ‘traveling journal.’ I was really blessed with the opportunity to travel to several places last year, and I wanted every city, every state, every face to somehow add their colorful threads to the tapestry of my life. Little did I know that with every take-off and landing, I would also be traveling into the uncharted parts of myself and see the depth of what God calls me to give to the world. There’s always more to see, to learn, and, thus, to give. Then, there was my little prayer journal where I’d scribble down prayers and thoughts in my smaller-sized journal. The biggest thing I learned was probably that God can handle any questions, any argument (that you are sure to lose). Moreover, no matter how distant I was in the year, He was always waiting, and never too proud to remind me of His love.
Maybe I want 2013 to be different and a little unpredictable. A little less typical. So I’m going to start by writing a new year’s entry on the 2nd of January. Just kidding, I wanted to do it yesterday, but I didn’t have the time.
Time. This year, I want to learn how to make more of that. To learn how to use that more wisely. To learn how to wait more patiently. To learn how to not race so much with it. To learn how to just dance with time. To be more graceful about it, because this time we have is not ours, and last year, I was to learn, realize, and be affirmed in the most heartbreaking way possible that it’s not ours to have, to control.
[I’ll give you your own paragraph] Sigfrid’s passing changed my world then and to this day affects the way I see life around me. It’s crazy because I know I’ll only feel a fraction of the heartache of many others, most especially his family. I miss you, dude. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to have served you, to have shared a passion for serving and loving God, spoken word, music, and food with you. I’m really sorry I didn’t get to show you the only spoken word I wrote in my life. I’m sorry we didn’t get to collaborate on a piece. I’m sorry I didn’t get to watch you do your drum major thang on the field. But I wrote a new piece that I practiced over and over again, and I’m sure you’ve heard that. It’s for you.
It just put so much into perspective for me. It humbled me. The past year has been a year filled with heartaches and losses, and I couldn’t help but see the bigger picture. Something greater was at hand, and I was but a pixel in that image. Nevertheless, regardless of how small, I was a part of that image.
This life is funny. Sometimes, it makes you feel things as utterly joyful and inexplicably incredible as making memories, learning and growing to love a person, and as heartbreaking as losing and having to part ways with them. The heartaches, the losing, the disappointment can make life seem so daunting. They can find a way to lock us up in our figurative guarded towers and give less second chances, trust less, love less, look and listen less. As you can see, our fears will have a way of making us … less.
It just put so much into perspective for me. It humbled me. The past year has been a year filled with heartaches and losses, and I couldn’t help but see the bigger picture. Something greater was at hand, and I was but a pixel in that image. Nevertheless, regardless of how small, I was a part of that image.
This life is funny. Sometimes, it makes you feel things as utterly joyful and inexplicably incredible as making memories, learning and growing to love a person, and as heartbreaking as losing and having to part ways with them. The heartaches, the losing, the disappointment can make life seem so daunting. They can find a way to lock us up in our figurative guarded towers and give less second chances, trust less, love less, look and listen less. As you can see, our fears will have a way of making us … less.
The world isn’t going to change. This year, I’ll meet new people as I did last year. In the same way, this year will present challenges that I’ve been facing either recently or my entire life. My heart will break, my heart will be filled with joy, my heart will receive blessings, my heart will hurt others. Just like every other year. But I can be different. The accumulating amounts of disappointments, heartaches, fears, and regrets ought to have me paralyzed by now, but maybe that’s the challenge of this year — that we continue to be more despite the temptation to be less. Despite the fear that we are less.
People will hurt you, people will disappoint you. You will hurt people. You will disappoint people. I don’t want to have to say it, but life is too short. But in that short time, we are constantly being shaped by factors we can and can’t control. “May God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change and the courage to change what we can and the wisdom to know the difference.” The point is to always find the humility that will direct our eyes to fearlessly say the truth that lies in our hearts. The point is to see a new day and not just a new year.
Thanks for yesterday, everyone, and make it a good day tomorrow.
No comments:
Post a Comment