A Brave New Love

Just when I thought I couldn't be any more in love with Jesus, he shakes things up in my life to remind me that this great romantic adventure of loving him means experiencing something that is forever, brave, unconditional, and is neither bound by time nor space. It never ends. Just when I couldn't think of any more ways God can fill my heart, he breaks it to make more room for Himself, others, and much to my surprise, me. 

I know that it is quite ironic to think of loving ourselves as a heartbreaking experience, but it really is. As a matter of fact, I find it to be the most heartbreaking kind of all. Loving myself goes beyond having a good and healthy self-esteem; it goes beyond having confidence in my skills, talents, and wonderful sense of humor (haha.) It isn't the absence of my insecurities or of my greatest fears. On the contrary, it's being able to recognize them and realize that I am not my sinfulness, I am made in the image of God, of love. 

In learning to love myself, I have had to face all that is bad, broken, and still in the process of healing about myself. In addition to recognizing such things as true, I've had to learn how to look at myself in the mirror seeing and knowing all those things, and still be able to say to myself: "You're worth it. I love you even more today." 

But before I could ever mean what I say when I say those words, I first had to internalize and truly believe that I only love because God loved us first. That He said it first: "You're worth it. I love you even more today." He said it when he came down from heaven, suffered and died for us, and rose from the dead to gain eternal life for us in heaven; "to make us by grace what he is by nature -- a child of God:" And there, lies all of our divine and irrevocable worth. My worth. And in my worth, lies my strength. My power. My capacity to love as He does. 

My power to say no to myself, and yes to the good of another. My will to say no to myself, and yes to the will of God. My worth allows me to love without demands because my worth tells me that I am already loved beyond what I can ever imagine.

Loving myself is not about having the control to fulfill my heart's desires on my own. It is having the strength to choose love, to choose God's good will above all even if it has little to nothing to do with me because it is simply what is best. If we can love ourselves this way, what more others who we will always find to be more deserving than we could ever be? 

You see, that's why even when you already find yourself so immersed in that kind of love, God continues to stretch you to fill you with more. When God breaks your heart to make room for Himself, others, and you, he's asking "How much do you really love me? How much more can you give?" 

Such questions are often accompanied by the feeling of already running on empty. Already having given everything. But that's the beauty of being faced with those questions when you feel you've reached nothing. That's the beauty of being stretched, of being broken to be filled again. It means love continues to demand love. This means that just when we thought we've hit rock bottom, God opens up a place within the depths of ourselves to reveal that there's more. 

More of Him, more of others, more of you. Be not afraid to discover what lies beyond what we know today. Be not afraid to lose the good for the great. Be not afraid to lose your self in order to gain eternity with Christ, Love Incarnate himself. Be not afraid of losing, of surrendering, of being emptied out, of being made anew. Be not afraid of loving with that kind of love because it will always, always lead the other to life, to the infinite source of love. You are never lacking with that kind of fearless and brave love. 

Give more, love more, choose to be more because "much will be required of the person entrusted with much, and still more will be demanded of the person entrusted with more." 

Welcome to this brave new love. May your life forever be changed.